So what happened atop Elliot Knob? Who was the person lurking in the tower? What happened to Zed and Maynard? Did I make it out alive!?
NOTHING happened atop Elliot Knob and NO ONE was lurking in the tower. The hike was so damn boring that I had to invent stuff in my head to keep me entertained. Some of the hikers may have seen me swinging my hiking poles near the end of the hike...I was having a light-saber duel with weeds to keep my mind off my busted ankle. (spoiler: the weeds won, and my ankle still hurts)
|My daily list|
So what about Maynard and Zed? They were real, but we never passed them on the trail. A couple of weeks later, I learned that the Austin's saw the men walk out of the woods with bags of mushrooms...which could explain why they looked so happy in this picture:
|Duuuude, wanna to listen to some Pink Floyd with us?|
|Zed and Maynard making their getaway!!|
In summary: the Elliot Knob hike has a stream, weeds, gravel roads, and a big ass hill. Don't even think about doing this hike. Instead, go to a local construction site and climb a hill of dirt for a few hours. If you do feel compelled to hike this special trail, bring along an ultra-cool team of hikers to enjoy it with. Hiking with this crew makes every trail enjoyable:
|"We will move mountains for Cystic Fibrosis. If we can't move em, we will climb em!"|
After the hike, I stopped at Charlottesville's finest Waffle House to celebrate my good fortune and to wait the return of my children. The girls spent the night with their grandparents while I was hiking in the mud and rain and Di was watching the Tour de France from the sofa. Wait, Di is one of the 8 people in America who enjoys televised cycling? No. Of course not. She was enjoying a quiet child-free morning, and didn't want to waste her precious energy and time by looking for the remote control. There's probably another explanation, but this one's probably the closest to the truth.
|I'm not an expert in batteries or parking|
|I'm an expert in taking pics while driving (not really).|
A few hours later, I bid farewell to the Waffle House, and returned home with our children. It could've been a much worse situation... I could've been stuck at the base of Hillbilly Hill, waiting for AAA with the future stars of the Discovery Channel's upcoming reality show "The Deadliest Mushroom Hunters." <cue Deliverance banjos>
Ok... so now that you've heard the story of how we owned that dumb little hill, it's time to do TWO things:
First, go sign the petition that Amy is a nice person: Sign Here
Second, make a donation to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and support research for a cure. Your donation is helping to save the lives of our friends and family. With 40 days left, I've raised $800 of my $2,500 goal... Donate Here.